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They Should Be Grateful… September 17, 2008

Posted by faradhi in Adoption.

Ok, here is the deal.  I know that I have let this blog kinda die. Mostly this is due to my own inability to write about the experiences while maintaining some anonymity and not violating my own stringent rules about posting specifics about the children in my care.  I was going to change this blog into a more generic journal type blog including professional and personal topics that are outside the realm of Adoption and Fostering.  My wife however has asked that I keep the blog as is and she has agreed to work on it as well.

This will be a relief to anyone who has read all my posts because she is a much better writer than me. (or is it I, oh well)  That said this may be my last post on this blog.  Certainly, if I think of something I will post again but not likely considering a will be starting a new blog that is far more general in topics.  For those few that have read this blog up until now, Thank you for reading and responding.

OK, this last topic for me is one I get truly angry about.  It is the response we got when we announced that we would finally, finally, finally be able to adopt some children.  The response of “Boy, those kids are lucky and should be grateful to have wonderful parents like you.”

I know, you may be thinking why should that piss you off.  That is a compliment.  You would be right that it is a compliment.  I took it as such believe me. It is a very flattering and affectionate statement. However, lets take a look at this from a kids perspective.  What should they have?

Well in my opinion, they SHOULD get good parents.  This is not something for which they should be grateful. This is something EXPECTED.  This is WHAT THEY DESERVE.  Nothing more nothing less.  They should have loving caring parents.  It is what ALL CHILDREN GET.

This pisses me off because no one goes up to the biological parents and say that.  No, they say the biological parents are lucky.  So news flash here people, WE ARE LUCKY TOO.  I would contend that we are even more so than biological.  THE KIDS ARE NOT LUCKY, they are getting what they deserve.  I will consider it a victory if my kids do take it for granted.  THAT IS WHAT KIDS SHOULD DO. It is another example of how people will never see our kids as our “real” kids.   They will always be treated differently and so will my wife and I (or is it me).  This adds to the anger.

So, while I know that people are only trying to show they care.  They are not really thinking.  I love my friends and family, but this has be a source of tension for me.  I usually respond with, “No, I am the lucky one, they get what they are intitled. A loving and caring mom and dad who will love them unconditionally and provide them with all they can. ”  That is what they deserve.



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