Between the States of Apathy and Confusion

Adventures of a Foster Parent in the Child Services System

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• How to know you’re ready to be a foster parent:

  Mess Test: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
  
  Toy Test: Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (if lego's are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).
  
  Grocery Store Test: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
  
  Dressing Test: Obtain one unhappy, large octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure all arms stay inside.
  
  Feeding Test: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as cheerios or fruit loops) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
  
  Night Test: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8pm begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10pm. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4am. Set your alarm for 5am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.
  
  School Test: Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take the tube from an empty roll of toilet paper. Using only scotch tape and a piece of aluminum foil, turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Last, take a milk carton, a ping pong ball, and an empty packet of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.
  
  Car Test: Buy a mini-van. Get a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot. Run a garden rake along both sides of the van.
  
  http://stateofapathy.wordpress.com makes no claims to the above work. Please contact the source in regards to its original author or permission to use.
  Source: http://afostermamaslife.blogspot.com/
  
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